Casey's crazy days
#1
The place where I talk about anything that comes to mind really, my day, a new, current, or re found interest. Ect.

Topics I've discussed.
  • Gender
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Still lurking I see? There's nothing here yet check back later when I get motivation to be something other than a lazy potato
~Help me I'm human~

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!
Or add me on Discord  (Casey.Day#4170 ) if you need to get ahold of me quickly!
<3 <3 <3



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#2
Gender
I am nothing 


Hi there! Guess who finally found time to post? Me!
Welcome to my first blog thing, I know I said I was just gonna 'rant' about life here but I feel like spinning you the tales of my life this time around. A big thing I've struggled with the past few years is Gender. I'm born Female for those that don't know since I'm posted as 'Non-Binary' on my account page. This struggle of mine is only a few years old as I've only recently been questioning who it is I really want to be. Sexuality was something I've always marveled at from a young age, my uncle was the only one if my family who came out as 'gay' and he was always just seemed so happy to be that way even though many of our family members shunned him for it. I was proud to call him family, still am actually we just don't really talk anymore. 

As my highschool years came around I began to noticed I had less luck keeping a guy around for any extended period of time and quite often I would think maybe I'd be better trying to date a girl instead! With the surge of people showing off their pride and being proud of who they are it made me realize maybe I'm not just stuck being me. After some heavy self debate I began to realize I was Pansexual which was the first step in me questioning my Gender as it was as I loved seeing everyone experiment with who they could be. Female, women, lady, girly, miss...God I hated those titles so much...the wear and tear of being seen as weaker or delicate began to piss me off so much! I've never been the strongest sure but give me a task and I'll always find a way to get through it. 

I think my biggest pet peeve I have towards being seen as a girl is not being able to do the same things as my male co-workers. I'll save the work rant for another day but to sum it up let's just say the air around the segregation in my workplace is so thick you could cut it with a knife... I think my second step to realizing why I felt so off in my own skin was to do with my first girl crush that at the time I didn't even realize I had. She was a small girl, god she must not of been even 90 pounds...but I was always around her when she needed me, I never wanted to leave her because of her mentally abusive boyfriend too. It seemed like every other day he'd threaten to kill himself over the slightest thing she would do to upset him. 

I held her for hours when she cried, listened to her when no one else would believe her stories. Being honest I think I loved her to. I would always just laugh when she'd sit on my lap and our friends would say I looked like the boy in the relationship. Can't deny I didn't try to look like one, I even had a chest binder from my Trans friend that I wore the heck out of, plus I don't think I ever went a day without my hair twisted behind me so it'd look short. After I graduated and realized I could wear and look however I wanted I began to switch back and forth more often depending on how I felt that morning. Did I wanna dress up and try out a new makeup look? Or throw on a loose t-shirt, jeans and a beanie? Thouhh most days I'd just sport a tomboy look with makeup just to confuse people. 

Recently I cut off my hair to a shorter style as a way to accept my Gender-less style, and yes for your information I am rocking my new haircut, but while I may be starting to accept who I am I know a lot of people I keep close wouldn't...I've tried hinting at it a few times or joking around about it with people, but I know if I ever tried be serious about this I'd be shunned. I believe my last relationship was a large part in the blame for me being closed off about my gender. Loving? Only if I did something he liked. Caring? Only if he got something out of listening. I may of messed up choosing this one. 

The last couple months of my time with him had to be the worse of my life. I couldn't even mention wanting to cut my hair without the retort of,

"God why do you want to look like a boy? Short hair on a girl isn't even attractive."
(Excuse you have you seen Ruby Rose? Rihanna? P!nk?)

Anyways I just kinda felt like giving up after a bit on dressing in a more male style. Only ever got away with it if I left the house while he was working. Makeup isn't my favorite thing to wear either, and even if it was the smallest thing like walking down the street to get a snack real quick he'd always question why I never wore any around him. As if I wasn't uncomfortabe enough in my own skin already. It took him only a few weeks after I cut off my hair to break it off with me, though there was other stuff going on in the background with us to don't get me wrong. While I'm not in the best situation now I finally feel...free for once.

 I had to hide how I felt about myself around him and it made me hate who I tried to be. In the end, I am nothing. I don't need a solid Gender to define me since one thing isn't who I want to be. As a message to anyone else that feels pressured to be someone their not, I'm so sorry you have to hide yourself but I understand why it's hard to come out. Maybe it's not the right time, or there's a fear of what's going to happen when you tell your family 'Hey I feel like a boy/girl today' or 'I really want to be a boy/girl' I'm still scared to dress like a guy in public for the fear of words. Those whispers could be about me, so could that glare, or laugh...maybe one day I'll feel confident enough with myself to dress how I want in public like I used to in school but for now I'll a stick with being a subtle tomboy on those days when I wake up feeling not so femimine. He, she, they, call me what you want who knows what I'll learn towards tomorrow.

Be strong
-Casey 
~Help me I'm human~

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!
Or add me on Discord  (Casey.Day#4170 ) if you need to get ahold of me quickly!
<3 <3 <3



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#3
Hahaha you thought this was an update! But it was just me being wierd!


Love you guys!
~Help me I'm human~

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!
Or add me on Discord  (Casey.Day#4170 ) if you need to get ahold of me quickly!
<3 <3 <3



Reply
#4
Future update for a moving countries blog once I get settled in a bit more
~Help me I'm human~

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions!
Or add me on Discord  (Casey.Day#4170 ) if you need to get ahold of me quickly!
<3 <3 <3



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